Numb

Every time before Trent comes home, or I go to visit him, I get sort of numb. There is a lack of feeling, emotion, and clarity. Then, about an hour before, I get nervous, and utterly anxious. I have been with this boy for almost 6 years, and still I get nervous. I guess that is a good thing, but what I am trying to sort out is this numb feeling I have now. It is almost a separation from my body, so I don't have to think about what is lying ahead (even if it is a good thing). The difference this time than all the others, is that he doesn't have to leave again.

A brief history for those that don't know about my love, Trent. We have been dating for almost 6 years (ever since my last year in H.S.), and since then have had one of the strangest long distance relationships ever. We are both very much in love, but have not lived on the same continent for about 5 years. He is in the military, and was stationed in Kosovo, Germany, and Iraq, but is now getting out.

I am so used to him being on some sort of time limit, where every moment is precious (although I still hope every moment is) because I know that soon I will have to say goodbye again. It is weird to think that this time is different. No more goodbyes, at least not to the same extent. I can't even fathom that we can now be together ALL the time. Honestly, it is making me a bit nervous because I know we have a lot to sort out. It is a frightening, yet exciting, knowing that we have so much to look forward to in the future. Maybe my mind is going numb because I can't yet deal with all of those feelings. It is weird.